From my experience I’ve learned that healthy communication is important in any relationship - especially when sex is involved… Coming out as a lesbian in the past year has brought me new and unexpected challenges. Logically, many have revolved around sex and my ability to speak honestly with my partner about it. In my previous heterosexual relationships, talking to my partner about their sexual experience was something I was never afraid of. If not for the sake of honesty, then at the very least for the sake of my health. Some partners found it intimidating, others refreshing. Either way, it was my physical well-being that always came first. As I began dating women, I thought the same approach would be just as simple. That is until I tried talking about it with a partner who had never slept with a man before. That’s where things got complicated. All of a sudden, I felt myself being judged on a whole new scale. Being comfortable with the men I had slept with was one thing, but telling a woman who had never even seen a man naked was another story.

The Sex Ed Guru Says: "It’s common for people who recently come out to experience negative attitudes from other gay or lesbians who came out sooner. The recently outted are sometimes seen as immature or in need of guidance from those with more experience. Everyone who comes out deserves the chance to learn to be comfortable with their own sexuality, so don’t let anyone make you feel bad or rushed into changing. So tell them you appreciate their concern, but there is no time line but everyone in their own time."

Would she think I was less pure because I had been with men? Would she be totally grossed out? How many women had she slept with in comparison to the amount of men I had slept with? Were our risks for sexually transmitted diseases the same?

The Sex Ed Guru Says: "There is a common shared myth that lesbians or women-who-have-sex-with-women are not at risk for sexually transmitted infections, or have a lower risk of getting sexually transmitted infections. This attitude can be very dangerous since most who believe this myth are also the ones who avoid regular medical screening for things like HPV, HIV, trichomoniasis, and treponema palladium. These can be passed from female to female sex partners."

Overwhelmed with questions, I headed to my amazing gynecologist for answers. You should always be able to be honest with your doctor,

The Sex Ed Guru Says: "YES, INDEED!."

but once in a while you actually meet one who insists on it. What I gained most from our conversation was that neither my partner nor I could change our past. All we could do was protect our future. The same level of honesty that I had brought to other relationships should be no different than in my new ones, no matter what sex my partner was. Coming up with ways to broach the subject is akin to ripping off a band-aid: sometimes it’s better if you do it slowly, others, if you just rip it off. I find ripping off is better 9 times out of 10. Continuing to be ashamed of who you are and were will get you nowhere. Just as I had to accept my newfound homosexuality, I needed to accept my heterosexual past, as did any partner that I chose to be intimate with. Being honest is the first step I take in effective communication, whether it is with my doctors, my friends, or my partners. The difficulties that may occur because of honesty are never as great as those caused by a lack of it, especially when it comes to your health.

The Sex Ed Guru Says: "Choosing a doctor or health care professional that is accepting of gay and lesbian patients is very important. If you can’t be honest, most will probably assume you are heterosexual and give you medical attention as it pertains to a heterosexual person. A lot of health concerns may be overlooked, so finding one that is acknowledging and accepting of you is crucial to your health and well-being."