I learned how to have sex before I learned how to drive. There was no manual, no instructor, and no exam. I learned everything I thought I needed from my friends. At age 15 I strongly believed that if I had somebody to do it with I would pass with flying colors. There was no need for Sex Ed; my friends and I had all the answers. It was never a question of whether I was ready or not, but like getting behind the wheel of a car for the first time, nothing prepares you for your first sexual experience. I compare sex to driving because I lost my virginity before I received my license and could explore my new-found freedom.

The Sex Ed Guru Says: "Virginity is subjective. It means different things to different people. It’s best to discuss what virginity means to both you and your partner."

I was the youngest out of my girlfriends to lose my virginity and gain a sense of alleged “adulthood”. At age 16 I thought I knew it all, had it all, and had earned my right to experience it all. What my friends didn’t tell me was how complicated sex was and at times I wished I had a manual to tell me what to do next. I went to a small school. I had less than 80 people in my graduating class and by the time we were all seniors everyone had been intimate with each other in some way. If someone ever felt nervous delivering a speech or project in front of the class, they could literally envision the class in their underwear! It wasn’t the easiest school to flower awkwardly into adulthood while trying to understand your sexuality at the same time. My first boyfriend’s name was Daniel. He was on the football team and had an exceptionally nice butt (seriously). Besides his phenomenal rear, he treated me with respect. We were both sophomores in high school when we started dating. Many of my friends had serious boyfriends but none of them were anywhere as close to hitting a home run as I was with Daniel. We both sailed through the bases at the beginning of the relationship. Daniel was the boy I had all my “firsts” with. Because of this I felt more comfortable eventually conceding to sex. Daniel and I had dated for six months and after talking with my friends and receiving their approval I thought I was ready.

The Sex Ed Guru Says: "Though it’s great to have approval from friends and family, you should first ask yourself if you are really ready for it too."

We decided to have sex after a cold night cheering in the stands of a college championship football game. I remember my toes were frozen and as we made it back to his dad’s house, I found myself slipping under his bedroom covers to warm up. Things definitely warmed up and after a brief talk over a box of condoms and R. Kelly playing on his clock radio we started having sex.

The Sex Ed Guru Says: "It’s always good to be prepared and have condoms or birth control ready, even if you are not sure if sex will happen or not. If it does, then you’ll be protected. It it does not happen, you’ll have it ready for the next time in case it does."

At first it felt good, then it felt wrong, then I wondered what all the fuss was about, then it felt awkward and by the end it felt good again. For a “first time”, I thought it went pretty well.

The Sex Ed Guru Says: "'First' times are usually described as an amazing experience. In reality, many first times tend to feel awkward. It is likely to improve over time once you get to know the person better."

Soon after, our relationship became more intense. I got my license which gave me the freedom to visit Daniel on a more consistent basis. I grew very fond of Daniel and experienced a deep connection with him. But on a rainy December day, out of nowhere, Daniel dumped me. I was a wreck. After the breakup, I tried to compensate by hooking up with other people, but this just led to feeling worse. I moped aimlessly around my house and school like a sick puppy. I couldn’t eat, sleep, or comprehend why Daniel left me. For Daniel it wasn’t such a big deal. I remember sitting in the cafeteria and hearing him dish out details about our sex life like it was nothing… It took me 6 months to pull myself out of my misery. In retrospect, I don’t know if I was ready. Maybe if the outcome had been better I would feel different, but I still wonder. In general, though, nothing completely prepares you for the decision to have sex. It’s not just about the act. It’s about the consequences that sex has: both good and bad. Seeking out your friends for advice can be fine but remember that they are learning as well. Use your own discretion and educational outlets to decide. Also, talk to your partner about their questions and concerns.

The Sex Ed Guru Says: "True, communicating with your partner about your concerns is essential. Don’t forget to discuss birth control, STI concerns, and sexual history."

Sex can be a very fulfilling experience, but with love and intimacy also comes great responsibility.