It started with a cat... My brother and I were both animal lovers as kids and were excited to see that a neighborhood cat had wandered into our front yard. However, this particular cat was acting strange – making weird noises and acting irritable. “Guess she’s in heat,” my mom said to my dad. “What is ‘in heat’?” My brother was young and curious. Though I didn’t know much more about sex than him, I knew this was going down a troublesome path. “Well… it’s when a cat is ready to get pregnant and have babies,” my mom replied.

The Sex Ed Guru Says: ”'In heat' is a phrase meaning ready or wanting to have sex, but not necessarily wanting to get pregnant."

“How does that happen?” I had a vague, naïve understanding of how babies were made. Something about rolling around naked and being married. I knew enough to know that talking to my mom about it would be embarrassing. So my mom sat us down in the living room on the two footstools while she sat in the rocking chair – a classic setting for this sort of thing.

The Sex Ed Guru Says: "Having a parent play the role of the primary sex educator for their children is important to children and teens developing a healthy sexuality, which influences responsible decision-making."

She proceeded to tell us, in a very matter-of-fact way, that sex was when a man put his penis in a vagina and sperm went into her to fertilize an egg. She explained that this is something two people do when they are in love. A “grown-up thing.”

The Sex Ed Guru Says: "Sex in commonly thought of in the traditional definition of the man putting his penis into his partner’s vagina, or vaginal sex. As an educator, do not rule out talking about the other ways people can be sexually active such as oral sex, anal sex, naked genital to genital rubbing, mutual masturbation, etc."

The truth wasn’t nearly as mortifying as I expected and my mom’s calm and direct explanation using medically accurate terminology was extremely helpful. Now, when I would hear a friend at school say, “I heard sex is…” I knew when to listen and when to ignore them. Luckily, I learned about sex from my mom at an age when your parents’ word is Truth with a capital T. I knew I could trust what she said and was able to put on the filter when I heard inaccurate information from peers. It also started the dialogue. The conversation had the same tone of telling me how the circulatory system works, so I knew that I could come back with more questions with no shame or guilt.

The Sex Ed Guru Says: "EXACTLY! By having a parent or trusted adult explain sex in a fashion that makes their children or teens not feel ashamed can really open up those lines of healthy communication down the road if or when their teens encounter a situation involving sex, pregnancy, or sexually transmitted infections."

Now that I am older and have a better understanding of what someone needs to know before becoming sexually active, I realize how important that evening was. I didn’t learn everything I needed to know in one evening – that would have been overwhelming – but I got a good start. As I got older, more involved conversations were started by both my mom and me about the emotional side of sex or pressures that are specific to the female experience. My mom had the experience and perspective that my friends couldn’t replace. I first learned about sex because of a cat, but the learning process didn’t stop there. Having an upfront, honest conversation early on led me to feel comfortable seeking more information as I got older so I could make the right decisions for myself.